An Open Letter Of Love Across the Border
To my beloved Shazia,
“Shazia has an Arabic
origin. It refers to a girl who is ineffably beautiful yet devoid of the scorn
that such beauty is usually associated with, a girl who is jocund yet sincere,
a girl with great wit and knowledge yet she would be one of the humblest person
you would ever come across...”, you said laughing. I kept on staring at you in
awe as you presented that compendious account of the provenance of your name
and I blurted out a line, “You are one of those who live up to their names to
the fullest”. You gave that enthralling smile and my heart once again, missed a
beat.
This letter is an avowal
as I pen down the thoughts that occupy the most secret corners of my heart.
Today I am in my frankest self.
When I was apprised of the
proposed student exchange program that my college would be conducting with a
college in Islamabad, as a part of establishing goodwill between the estranged
neighbours, I admit, that I was severely disappointed having believed always
that nothing except war can settle dispute between India and Pakistan. I always
felt that most Pakistani citizens have a propensity towards violence. Fate
decided to change my views and took me to the place whose name I had loathed
till then.
On the very first day we
had a debate on whether capital punishment should be done away with in both the
nations. This was the place where I saw you for the first time. That debate
would always be the most memorable one of my life. You rose to go for the
motion as I, sitting in the opposition bench, stared at you in contempt. You
started presenting your argument in an inimitable style and declared that
Indian prisoners even if convicted of as serious charge as espionage shouldn’t
be executed as judicial killing had never fructified. This was the point when I
looked up and stared at you with respect. As you elaborated on your notions of
peace, I felt my stubborn belief for years that Pakistan and violence are
synonymous, getting thwarted. By the time you ended, the seed of admiration was
already sown in my heart. When I saw you vehemently clapping with an expression
of appreciation on your face after I finished, it was an unprecedented
experience for me as I had never met anyone who respected opponent with such
veracity. Well ma’am, the saplings of love were out from the seed by then. I
won the debate but was beginning to lose my heart.
Then I remember the recess
period when I interacted with you personally for the first time and exchanged
our views on world politics. You amazed me again when I realized that you knew
more of Indian mythology and Hindu epics than I did. As my ears were giving you
a patient hearing, my eyes overwhelmed with admiration explored your face which
was partially concealed behind dark, shiny strands of hair hanging down. I
loved the way you ran your fingers and flicked your hair behind your ears,
unravelling your face from the dark strands that were lending a mystic air to
your face all the while. I fell in love with your eyes, so deep and intense
with a contagious serenity radiating from them that can calm even the most
turbulent soul. Your placid, unmitigated smile that stayed glued on your face
seemed like a balm to the deepest agonies of my life and your words constituted
the quantum of solace every soul seeks for, in this tumultuous world.
That one month of student
exchange course was the best time of my life. Although we have spoken over
whatsapp ever since I returned to India, I could never gather the courage to be
so honest with you. I had thought of proposing you last week but failed to
muster courage though I believe we both could make out the feelings that we had
been harbouring for each other. Finally I forwarded my proposal late in the
night yesterday and went off to sleep full of exciting apprehensions. In the
morning I frantically switched on my phone to find the message delivered but
yet to be read. Just then my news app pops, notifying about a bomb blast at a
busy market place in Islamabad~”Bomb blast claims life of a young lady, leaves
others injured.” Full of worst premonitions, I switched on the app iterating
the same prayer, “God, please keep her safe.” The article showed the picture of
the lone casualty, the gory face of a young lady, a life nipped in the bud. I
always claimed that my eyes can find you no matter what. Fate was having a cruel
laugh putting my claims to test. The phone dropped from my hand and I wished
ardently ~let my eyes be deceived, let my tall claims of finding you be proved
hollow. The name of the victim confirmed my worst fear ~the fear of losing you
forever. I could feel the pain from your blood-smeared face, the tranquillity
of your face engulfed by violence. The heavenly smile was no more there and the
realization dawned on me that the smile, no matter how eternal it seemed, was
also subject to the confines of mortality.
Your words rang in my
ears~”It’s the fear of losing a person that makes us love the person even
more.” I thought of ending my life for an instance but how could I? You always
taught me how I should never surrender in life. My proposal would remain unread
but you always said, ”True love needs no
formal proposal.” Maybe my expressions
were enough to courier my feelings to your heart.
My eyes have welled up yet
I am smiling as I distinctly visualize my Shazia reading this letter with that
innocent, refreshing smile in an unknown land. I am sure you would wait for me
until my time expires in this mortal world and I transcend the mortal
boundaries to the immortal land of eternity. We would unite and I hope there
would be no political boundaries and religious fanaticism to separate us again.
You made an obdurate
individual like me revisit and reconsider his longstanding beliefs. Your words
would continue inspiring me and I would always abide by your noble principles.
That defines why I didn’t precede your name with the term ‘late’ while
addressing you at the beginning as the term, I believe, contains in it the seed
of ‘goodbye’. I remember when you came to see me off at the Islamabad airport
and I hugged you and whispered in your ear ‘goodbye’, you whispered back in
mine, “It’s never goodbye..it’s eternal.”
~Saurajit Sinha
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